I want to turn the clock back

[ken kenobie]

As I’m now on the downward slope of life and expecting the grim reaper to come knocking at my door any time now . I’m starting to reminisce about my past life and all the things Ive done . One area which I keep thinking about is the bad choices and the mistakes Ive made . Just thinking about my past makes me start to wish that I could now turn the clock back , to say when I was a teenager . 

With what I now know and appreciate , if I could some how flick a switch and turn the clock back I now know only to well that I would have done many things very differently .

I should have listened to my wise old dad and eventually gone to University to study either law or medicine . I should have not got my girlfriend pregnant and ended up standing at the church alter.

I should have not drank so much alcohol and borrowed a lot of money , I should have been more kind and respectful to my parents . There are so many things I wish I could go back in time to change and start all over again .

If you could go back in time , is there any thing you would change .

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[Dylan_Leo]

Ken, What has happened in the past moulds us to who we are today, I too have made a ton of mistakes but I don't dwell on them as I cannot turn back the clock or change them.
DL

[ken kenobie]

Ken, What has happened in the past moulds us to who we are today, I too have made a ton of mistakes but I don't dwell on them as I cannot turn back the clock or change them.
DL

Hi

Ive a feeling that you may not be that old and the getting old curse has not yet struck .

I totally agree about the past moulding our future and makes us who we are today . I have a funny feeling that this looking back on life and the wanting to go back to change past life time events may be some thing that only occurs when some one reaches a certain elderly age . 

The words , If I only could have or  I wish I had known then what I know now , keep springing to mind.
 

I’m trying to stay positive and make the most of everyday and move on from the past , but with retired friends of the same age regularly passing away its an up hill battle to try and keep focused on the future .

 The other side of the coin could be …… Everything happens for a reason.

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[Roger]

Hi Ken. I guess we all have regrets but you are right to try and stay positive - it's the only way.

Don't write yourself off, keep working to improve or deal with your 'lot' and remember that getting older is better than the alternative 

ATB

[ken kenobie]

Hi Ken. I guess we all have regrets but you are right to try and stay positive - it's the only way.

Don't write yourself off, keep working to improve or deal with your 'lot' and remember that getting older is better than the alternative 

ATB

Hi Roger

Its becoming more and more difficult to try and stay positive , many years ago I honestly thought that the older I would become the more happier I would be . Sadly its not turned out that way .

In the back of my mind I keep thinking and wondering if my current negative out look on life may have been different if I had not permanently retired to Thailand .

 
Having Sleep Apnea has knocked me back and not having the ability to have a decent good nights sleep is playing havoc with my overall mind set . The need to now sleep wearing a face mask and taking several prescribed drugs is yet another stress making situation.  Due to the lack of sleep I’m now feeling more grumpy and tired . Mr anxiety is now my constant daily companion .

I’m also currently taking drugs for high cholesterol , which is another health aspect that I seem to be for ever worrying about. 

When I first stepped foot in the LOS many years ago , due to my then recent acrimonious divorce I was finally free of the nagging wart hog of a wife , I had a very health bank balance after selling my house back in the UK along with all my worldly possessions . So there I was single , footloose and fancy free. 

Now I’m constantly thinking and worrying about money , My once glowing healthy bank balance has over the past many years drastically diminished . And now it seems an endless merry go round  of having to for ever put my hand in my pocket. If its not having to keep a lump sum in a Thai bank for a visa extension , its my private health insurance premium which seems to be constantly skyrocketing in cost due to my age.

Then the daily living costs seem to be rising in many areas like food and things like electricity bills vehicle road tax and insurance Etc . And don’t get me started on my UK government pension , which as many know is frozen when you retire in Thailand .
 

 
I know getting older is better than the alternative , but just some times things seem to overwhelm me and I can’t even now have a cold beer to relive the daily stress because of the drugs I’m taking .

I often meet other retired guy’s in the same age group as my self at a local bar . I see them all smiling and it appears that they are happy and seem not to have the burdens of life that I have . The conclusion Ive come to when I meet those happy retired guys is that the obvious large amount of alcohol they drink act as some sort of stress and anxiety antidote .

Then of course the knife in my side is this cures of getting old. I try not to look in any mirrors if I can help it , and the ever present liver spots on the back of my hands are another stark reminder that I’m now on the downwards slope heading for the local Buddhist wat and its cremation chamber .

Oh well where can I find a strong length of rope and a sturdy stool .
 

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