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Online jivvy

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There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.
I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.
An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk...
The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.
The Receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The Receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something, and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private."
The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone!"
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear", he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"
"I can't piss out of it!" he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter. 😎
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online jivvy

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Frozen Carburetor

People frequently complain about the police, but you rarely hear about the positive things they do, such as this incident involving a biker and a frozen carburetor.
Last January on a bitterly cold winter's day, a North Dakota State Trooper on patrol came upon a motorcyclist who was stalled by the roadside.
The biker was swathed in heavy protective clothing and wearing a full-face helmet to protect the face from the cold weather.
"What's the matter?" asked the Trooper.
“Carburetor’s frozen," was the terse reply.
"Pee on it. That'll thaw it out."
"I can't," said the biker.
“OK, watch me closely and I'll show you."
The Trooper unzipped and promptly warmed the carburetor as promised.
Moments later the bike started and the rider drove off, waving.
A few days later, the local State Troopers' office received a note of thanks from the father of the motorcyclist.
It began:
"On behalf of my daughter Janice . . . "
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online jivvy

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 ;D
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online jivvy

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A man enters a confessional and says to the Irish Priest,

"Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I've had sex with Fannie Green every week for the last month."

The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three 'Hail Mary's'."

Soon, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months."

This time the priest asks, "Who is this Fannie Green?" "A new woman in the neighborhood," the sinner replies.

"Very well," says the priest. "Go and say ten 'Hail Mary's"

The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon when a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church.

All the men's eyes fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down in front of the Altar. Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes.

The priest and altar boy gasp as the woman sits down with her legs slightly spread apart, Sharon Stone-style.

The priest turns to the altar boy and whisperingly asks, “Is that Fannie Green?"

The altar boy replies ..."No Father, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes".
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online jivvy

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Thought for today .

Help someone when they're in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online jivvy

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Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.

It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been
able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.

On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the
far side for their first legal drink.

So when Paddy's 18th birthday came around, he and his pal Mick, took a boat
out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat and nearly
drowned!

Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Paddy went to see his grandmother .

Grandma," he asked, "Tis me 18th birthday, so why can't I walk across the
lake like me father, his father and his father before him?"

Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled blue eyes and said, "Because yer
father, yer grandfather and yer great-grandfather were all born in December,
when the lake is frozen, and ye were born in August, ya fookin idiot!"
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online jivvy

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 ;D
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online jivvy

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 ;D
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online jivvy

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We were so poor when we were young that whenever mum opened a window, the birds would throw pieces of bread in.
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online jivvy

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 ;D
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online jivvy

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Jewish girl tells her Catholic college roommate that she's going home for Rosh Hashanah.

The Catholic girl asks the Jewish girl, "Is this the holiday when you light the candles?"

"No," the Jewish girl replies, "That's Hannukah."

The Catholic girl then asks the Jewish girl, "Is that when you eat unleavened bread?"

"No," the Jewish girl replies, "That's Passover. Rosh Hashanah is the holiday when we blow the shofar."

The Catholic girl replies, "That's what I like about you Jews, you're so good to your help."
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online Coolkorat

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Went to the doctors for a prostate examination today. I asked him where I should put my clothes.

“Over there next to mine,” was not the answer I was expecting.


Online jivvy

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A lady went into a bar and saw a man with his feet propped up on a table.

He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen.

The woman asked the man if it's true what they say about men with big feet are well endowed.

The man grinned and said, "Sure is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you"...?

The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him.

The next morning she handed him a £100.

Blushing, he said, "Well, thanks, miss I'm really flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before".....

She said, "Don't be flattered take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit".....!!!
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online jivvy

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A very angry woman stormed up to the receptionist's desk. "Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday," she complained.

The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. "I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing," he said. "Why do you think it was taken here?"

"After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly."

"I think," explained the surgeon gently, "that means your cataract operation was a success."
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online jivvy

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Paddy and Colleen were making passionate love in Paddy's mini van when suddenly Colleen, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out, "Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!"


Paddy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip Colleen until they both collapse in ecstasy.

About a week later, Colleen notices that the marks left by the whipping are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor. The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, "Did you get these marks having sex?"

Colleen, a little embarrassed that she has slept with Paddy (let alone that she allowed the kinky boy to whip her) eventually admits that, yes, she did.

Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims, "I thought so, because in all my years as a doctor, you've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen."
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online Roger

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Kepp 'em coming Jivvy - great !
''If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough'' - Albert Einstein


Online jivvy

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Sacked twice for lying,
incompetent as foreign Secretary,
looks and sounds like the mumbling fuck child of Winston Churchill and the Honeymonster.
But I'm sure Alexander Boris De Pfeffel Johnson is a real man of the people,
what could possibly go wrong?
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online Roger

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So you like him then Jiv's ?

Nice song with just for you, a small word change, Boris for rabbit  ;)

https://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/a/andrews_sisters/run_rabbit_run.html

Boris ain't no rabbit  8)

''If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough'' - Albert Einstein


Online jivvy

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So you like him then Jiv's ?

Not particularly, but prepared to give him a chance
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online jivvy

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A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of
his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.
Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.
As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, ‘What happened here today?’
She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?”
“Yes,” was his incredulous reply.

She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it."
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates