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An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily.
'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?'
The girl, crying, replied, Dad... I became a prostitute.'
'Ye what!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family.'
'OK, Dad... as ye wish. I only came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a 5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club ... (takes a breath) ... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.'
'What was it ye said ye had become?' says Dad.
Girl, crying again, 'A prostitute, Daddy!.'
'Oh! My Goodness! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant!
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


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A bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a whiskey and.....(pause)...... cola."

"Why the big pause?" asks the bartender.

The bear shrugged, "I'm not sure, I was born with them."
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


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My grandmother has always been such an inspiration to me.
She has crippling arthritis making it impossible to turn her neck,
suffers from unexpected blackouts,
she is too weak to lift a mug of tea from a table,
permanently has the shakes,
has cataracts in both eyes preventing her from seeing her hand in front of her face,
has violent fits,
suffers from incontinence and is prescribed treatment which induces nausea and dizziness.
Despite all that she turned to me this morning and said ....
"Always look on the bright side son .... At least I can still drive!!!"
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


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Jeremy Corbyn and Diane Abbott decided they were going to try to get Labour to appeal to middle class England. So, they dressed in tweed and suede got themselves a gun-dog and marched into a country pub somewhere in Middle England. They each ordered a pint of ale and waited for people to address them. One after the other people came in and lifted the dogs tail and walked away looking confused. Corbyn decided to ask the next one what he was doing. So when the next man approached and lifted the tail Corbyn said “ excuse me but why are so many people coming in here and lifting this dogs tail” , “Because” the man replied “ we was told that there was a dog with two arseholes in here”
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


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A man met a beautiful lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away...

She said, “But we don't know anything about each other”...

He said, “That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along”...

So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort...

One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife...

After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel...

She said, “That was incredible!”...

He said, “I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along”...

So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths...

After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath...

He said, “That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?”...

“No”, she said, “I was a prostitute in Liverpool but I worked both sides of the Mersey”...
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


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Caught my willy in my zipper today.
Thats the last time I buy zip on boots.
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


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One evening, after the honeymoon, Mark was working on his Harley in the garage. His new wife was standing there by the bench watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally said, "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we're married, maybe it's time you quit spending so much of your time out here in your garage. You probably should consider selling your Harley and all that welding equipment; they take up so much of your time.
And that gun collection and fishing gear, they just take up so much space. And you know the boat is such an ongoing expense; and you hardly use it. I also think you should lose all those stupid model airplanes and your home brewing equipment...
"And what's the use of that vintage hot rod?
Mark got a horrified look on his face.
She noticed and said, "Darling, what's wrong?"
He replied, "You were starting to sound like my ex-wife."
"Ex-wife!?" she shouted, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!"
Mark replied ......

"I wasn't..
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


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 ;D
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


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In response to all recent e-mails about our dog:

Please be advised, we are sick and tired of answering questions about him.

Yes, he bit two people wearing burkas,

Ten people wearing turbans,

Twenty people wearing Jeremy Corbyn t-shirts,

Two car drivers with rap music blaring from their vehicles,

Four Jehovah's Witnesses,

Two Mormons,

Nine teenagers with jogging pants hanging past their bum cracks,

Three Muslims and a Pakistani taxi driver.

But, for the last time please note. . .

THE DOG IS NOT FOR SALE!
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


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Twin sisters in St. Luke's Nursing Home in Ireland were turning one hundred years old....

The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the two 100 year-old twins.

One of the twins was hard of hearing, but the other could hear quite well.

When the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa....

The deaf sister said to her twin,

"WHAT DID HE SAY"...?

"WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!" said the other.

"Now get a little closer together," said the cameraman....

Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY"...?

"HE SAID WE GOTTA SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE." So they wiggled up close to each other...

"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer.

Yet again, "WHAT DID HE SAY"...?

"HE SAID HE'S GONNA FOCUS"....

With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out,

"OH MY GOODNESS - BOTH OF US"...?
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates