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Online jivvy

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A woman goes to the doctors and says " I think I'm pregnant"
The doctor says "Have you had a check up?"
The woman says " No. I think he was a German"
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online jivvy

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 ;D
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online jivvy

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 ;D
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online jivvy

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It's amazing to see how time flies,
I can still remember when my wife and I were first married and not long after a lovely little chubby creature with bow legs and no teeth who was always dribbling and wetting itself came into our lives and gave us countless sleepless nights!!
Nah.....it wasn't a baby.....her MUM came to live with us!!.. 😂😂
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online jivvy

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A man and a woman were dating. She, being of a religious nature, had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so badly. In fact, he had never even seen her naked.

One day, as they slowly drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow-driving habits. "I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game.. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit [60 MPH] you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing."

He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car. He reached the 65 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse. At 70 off came the pants. At 75 it was her bra and At 80 her panties. Now seeing her naked for the first time...and traveling faster than he ever had before...he became very excited and lost control of the car.

He veered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree! His girlfriend was not hurt, but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas he was stuck.

"Go to the road and get help," he said. "I don't have anything to cover myself with!" she replied.

The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. "You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he told her. So she did as he said and went up to the road for help.

Along came a truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story. "My boyfriend! My boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!"

The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replied, "Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!"
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online jivvy

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An ugly man walks into a bar and a beautiful woman approaches him the woman asks the man, “How would you like to get out of here?”

The man is stunned. He never thought a woman like her would ever approach him so he agrees. They both get into his car and drive really far. He stops at a cliff with the view of the whole city. Within seconds they start taking off their clothes. After 15 minutes of vigorous sex they finally finish. They both put their clothes on and they both just sit there awkwardly.

The woman speaks up first and says “I’m a prostitute and it’s going to be $100 for my service.”

The man is stunned and saddened that she didn’t really like him. He gives her the money and they both sit there awkwardly. The woman tells him that she is ready to go back to that bar.

The man starts his car, turns on his taxi meter and says: “It’s going to be $150 for the ride here and back.”
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online jivvy

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 ;D
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online jivvy

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The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've such a good man and your motorcycles have
changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.'
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, '
I want to hang out with God.'
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, 'Okay, so you were the
one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?
Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...'
God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing
something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution,
and can't run without a road?'
Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, 'Excuse me,
but aren't you the inventor of woman?'
God said, 'Ah, yes.'
Well,' said Arthur, 'professional to p rofessional, you have
some major design flaws in your invention!
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds
3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!
'Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,' replied God,
'hold on.'God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a
few words and waited for the results.The computer printed out
a slip of paper and God read it. 'Well, it may be true that my
invention is flawed,' God said to Arthur, 'but according to these
numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours'.
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online jivvy

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 ;D
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online jivvy

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A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Ireland. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the UK and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Ireland . We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'"
The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local Irish custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees!
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth.
The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow dung.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and remaining strength and very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck.
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online jivvy

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*WHY MEN ARE SO HONEST*

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river.

When he cried out, the Angel appeared & asked, *"Why are you crying?"*

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water & he needed it to make a living.

The Angel went down into the water & reappeared with a *Golden Axe*. "Is this your axe?" the Angel asked. The woodcutter replied: *"No."*

The Angel again went down & came up with a *Silver Axe.* "Is this your axe?" the Angel asked. Again, the woodcutter replied: *"No."*

The Angel went down again & came up with an *Iron Axe*. "Is this your axe?" the Angel asked. The woodcutter replied: *"Yes."*

The Angel was pleased with the man's honesty & gave him all 3 Axes to keep, & the woodcutter went home happy.

Sometime later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, & his wife fell into the river.

When he cried out, the Angel again appeared & asked him: "Why are you crying?"

*"Oh, my wife has fallen into the water!"*

The Angel went down into the water & came up with Demi Moore.

"Is this your wife?" the Angel asked. *"Yes,"* cried the woodcutter.

The Angel was furious. *"You lied!* That is an untruth!" The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said *'NO'* to Demi Moore, you would have come up with Sophia Loren. Then if I said *'NO'* to her, you would have come up with *MY WIFE*. Had I then said *'YES,' you would have given me all 3.*
I'm a poor man, & not able to take care of 3 wives, so *THAT'S why I said YES to Demi."*

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a *good & honourable reason & for the benefit of others.*

That's our story, &
we're sticking to it!

*WE MEN ARE TRULY HONORABLE!*
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online jivvy

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Graham with a bad stomach complaint goes to his doctor and asks him what he can do.
The doctor replies that the illness is quite serious but can be cured by inserting a suppository up his anal passage.
Graham agrees, and so the doctor warns him of the pain, tells him to bend over and shoves the thing way up his behind.
The doctor then hands him a second dose and tells him to do the same thing in six hours.
So, Graham goes home and later that evening tries to get the second suppository inserted, but he finds that he cannot reach himself properly to obtain the required depth.
He calls his wife over and tells her what to do. She nods, puts one hand on his shoulder to steady him and with the other shoves the medicine home.
Suddenly Graham screams, "DAMN!"
"What's the matter?" asks Helen . "Did I hurt you?"
"No," replies Graham, "but I just realized that when the doctor did that, he had BOTH hands on my shoulders!
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online jivvy

  • KFers in Korat
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 ;D
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online jivvy

  • KFers in Korat
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    • Posts: 2573
 ;D
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online Roger

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Excellent Jivvy  ;D
''If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough'' - Albert Einstein


Online jivvy

  • KFers in Korat
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    • Posts: 2573
 ;D
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates