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Online jivvy

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PC Squad here  ;)  Jivvy that's not PC   ::)

Sorry if it offends you Roger
To be honest I don't give a damn...
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online Roger

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Jivvy. You misunderstand completely. I thought the scouser joke was really funny and evenmoreso, for being NOT PC. But I do give a damn.

I've only been to Liverpool once, from Totnes, with a Guy from our Factory, to watch Everton v Arsenal. His Dad was Jack Lyons who played for Everton at the end of the 2WW war with Tommy Lawton no less. Stayed with the Family and down the social, after Arsenal had won 0-2, half the family were Liverpool and half were Everton - they chatted for hours about players and games with no ill feeling.

It's just a joke - I know that. ATB
''If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough'' - Albert Einstein


Online jivvy

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A Boeing 777 wide-body jetliner was lumbering along at 800km/hour at 33000 feet when a cocky F-16 fighter jet flashed by at Mach 2.

The F-16 pilot decided to show off. On his state of the art radio that is part of his state of the art 3D & million dollar headset, the F-16 youngster told the 777 pilot, Hey Captain, watch this!?

He promptly went into a barrel roll, followed by a steep, unimaginable, vertical climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier, as the F-16 screamed down at impossible G?s before leveling at almost sea level.

The F-16 pilot asked the 777 pilot what he thought of that?

The 777 pilot said, ?That was truly impressive, but watch this!?

The 777 chugged along for about 5 minutes at the steady 800km/hour, and then the 777 pilot came back on and said, ?What did you think of that??

Puzzled, the cocky F-16 pilot asked, What the heck did you do?

The 777 pilot chuckled and said, "I stood up, stretched my legs, walked to the back, used the can, then got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll and secured a date for the next 3 nights in a five star hotel paid for by the company"

LESSON OF LIFE:
When you are young and foolish, speed and flash may seem like a good thing! When you get older and smarter, comfort and dullness is not such a bad thing!

It's called S.O.S.

Slower, Older and Smarter!

Dedicated to all my friends approaching S.O.S.

...."Don't take life too seriously. No one gets out alive anyway."
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


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Nice one Jivvy
If at first you don't succeed you are clearly not cut out for it. Give up and move on.


Online jivvy

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F YOU ARE OVER 50 YOU HAVE TO READ ALL OF THESE. CLICK MORE TO READ THE ENTIRE LIST <3 Sara

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION .
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My father taught me LOGIC .
" Because I said so, that's why ."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT .
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My father taught me IRONY .
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA .
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER .
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY .
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"
13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY .
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home"
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it from your father when you get home!"
1 8 . My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE .
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP .
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My father taught me HUMOR .
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS .
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM .
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand.
25. My father taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online jivvy

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A couple took their grandson for his first visit to a circus.
When Grandpa leaves to buy popcorn, the young boy asked, “Grandma, what's that long thing on the elephant?”
 “That's the elephant's trunk, dear,” she replied.
“No, Grandma, the long thing underneath the elephant.”
 The older woman blushed and said, “Oh that's nothing, nothing at all.”
Grandpa returned but forgot the drinks, so when Grandma left to get them, the boy repeated his question.
Grandpa said, “That's the elephant's penis.”
The boy thought about it for a moment and then asked, “Grandpa, how come when I asked Grandma, she said it was nothing, nothing at all?”
The older man took a deep breath, exhaled slowly and said, “I've spoiled that woman.”
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


Online jivvy

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 ;D Farang snails
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates


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I am sofa king we todd did.


Online jivvy

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12 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio:

1: Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - “This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.”

2: New Zealand Rugby Commentator - “Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.”

3: Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - “And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!”

4: Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - “Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.”

5: US PGA Commentator - “One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my god !! What have I just said?”

6: Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: “You'd eat beaver if you could get it.”

7: A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked. “So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?”
Not only did he have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

8: Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: “Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.”

9: Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on 'Look North' said: “There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this.”

10: Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on 'Sky Sports': “Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.”

11: Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked.
“They seem cold out there. They're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.”

12: Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: “Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny; other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.” 🤣😂
One should never do wrong in return, nor mistreat any man, no matter how one has been mistreated by him.”
- Socrates